Monday, July 17, 2006

T-18 Marine Corps History VI, Day 28

12:52 am. Can't sleep.

Worried. Confused. Scared. Apprehensive. I'm a mom. This is normal.

I am hoping to get some letters at least one today. I hope they are positive and he made it through the gas chamber ok.

It is 8:30 am and I have been up for a hour or so. I am chipping away at the cleanup duties from this weekends event. Already I have laundry going and the dishwasher is running. As I sat down here to write and to begin my prayer time, I received an email from a friend needing prayer for some strongholds that she needed to rage war on. I am with you there girlfriend. Satan has monopolyzed my thoughts and emotions too much lately. I am praying for victory over depression, anxiety, worry and apathy. Yes, I said I apathy. When depression and anxiety become deep rooted in your soul and mind you become apathetic toward everyday things as appearance, work, home, diet (oooh that one screams) and even my prayer life. The "who cares" syndrome can rob you of joys in every aspect of your life. I refuse to allow Satan to continue this onslaught. God before me, I cannot lose. He is my strong Tower, my refuge and strength.

It is now 9:44.

I just received an email from another friend. Please read.

I want you to know that I am praying for Tim. I know that what he is going through right now is hard..hard for all of you. But it is also vital for developing the Marine that he needs to be. For all the seemingly not necessary things that a DI might do to the young men..there is a reason. It makes the marine that will one day need to lean on instinct not strength. These soldiers have to be able when they graduate to have learned how it is to be cold, hot, tired, hungry, stressed, depressed, and broken. They break these men so they can build them into strong men that have and can endure the worst things and LIVE. This training is what will one day save lives and probably their own life. Being a soldier is not for the faint of heart and our civilian sector for the large part does not and cannot understand what serving our country is about. That is OK. Being a soldier is an extreme sacrifice. For 30 years Jim was a soldier and every day away from that life now is hard for him. He loved serving his country...loves soldiers. If he was asked today to do his life over he would do it the same way...wearing the same uniform..loving the flag and all it stands for. As a soldier you will never be rich..but you will be rewarded in ways that few ever get to be rewarded. You will be away from home and the ones you love often..you will be tired in ways that none of your friends understand..you will suffer loss of friends and fellow soldiers....but in all of that you have a comradery that is rare in today's world. You will be surrounded by other soldiers that "have your back." You will have other soldiers that will pray for and with you when you are scared. They will support each other when needed. Because that is what they learned to do in boot camp and will continue to be trained to do as they grow in the Marines. Nope being a soldier is no picnic..not for the soldier not for his family. It is plain hard ..but the reward...is our freedom. It is standing in a formation of other soldiers and seeing that flag flying over it with battle streamers ...hearing taps...often in a foreign land...crying when you hear the national anthem...it is feeling a pride that almost makes your heart burst from your chest.

Do I know what it is to be a soldier? No but I know what it has been to be a wife of a soldier with young wives that missed their husband's and were afraid for their lives. My husband was the one responsible for making sure he brought those young men home safe each time they were deployed. I know the ache of missing my soldier...I have felt fear in my heart when our men were gone and we knew they were in harms way. I learned to trust God during all of those times and lean on him. I knew that though the men seemed tough that a good majority of them were Christians and prayed daily. I knew that they had been trained to do a mission and do it well. I knew it was hard for them and it certainly was hard on those of us at home waiting for word..waiting for letters...waiting for calls. During those times of deployment I was there as babies were born with dads far away..when family members died. But when those men returned the feeling of watching them march into a gym filled with yellow ribbons and families..listening to a band play as those men march back in and reunite with children..watching fathers see a baby for the first time...those are images that I would not give a million dollars for. They are indelibly printed on my heart. I don't just hear the national anthem..I FEEL IT!

So sweet sister, I am proud of your young Tim. He is dong the hard thing that few are called to do. He is sacrificing all to serve his country. While many of his friends are following a different road he has been chosen to follow a road that will be hard but will build a man that has a different set of values...those of God and country. I am proud of his family...that did not try to talk him out of being a Marine. I know that would be tempting...it is hard to be the family of a Marine. BUT you are prayed for...loved through it and I can not wait for you to tell me how it feels to watch Tim graduate from Boot Camp. That will be a feeling that few feel. I love you Teresa..and your Tim....belongs to all of us..and is at the foot of the cross each day in our prayers. Ruthann.

I really needed this today. Thank you all for your support.
Teresa

P.S. No letter today.