Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Marine life must be so different for Tim. I sit thinking about his progress and struggles. I wonder what areas he has the most problems with. I wonder if he still gets his power naps. NOT!

The structure of their daily routine is very evident in the calendar the USMC has posted. I wish it would go into a little more detail as to what the days progress is. What time do you eat? What time do you get up? When is your down time?

It is 1:24 pm and the mail just came. It is finally here. My first letter from Tim. I open it and it is a form letter that they fill in the blanks. Oh my goodness. I touch the envelope again assured at least Tim addressed it and touched its surface. I gather all my letters to Tim and fit as many as possible into several envelopes. I write a third letter for today. I am so caught up in excitement of receiving the letter I almost forget to send out an email with his new address to family and friends.

It has been 10 days and I am finally able to eat without choking up.

I get two client calls, and book both. I talk with another potential client and they requested a contract be sent to them and a decision will be made by the 14th of July. I needed that. I felt like every door had not only closed but had been barred shut.

The world has not stopped turning, life still goes on, but when you are immobilized by an event in your life you become consumed by the thought of possibilities. Others have made comments of snap-out-of-it, you are not trusting the Lord enough, you are so...woe-is-me, let it go and on and on. I look at it this way, you haven't walked here yet!!! Think about this. Lazarus died. Jesus wept. He wept even though knowing he had the power to raise Lazarus up and knowing it would be done, Jesus still grieved. It was a grief for the suffering of Lazarus that he must endure for a time. Jesus knows pain, He knows suffering, He understands longing, He had reasons for this trial. Would anyone close to Lazarus have grown as much in the faith of Jesus without this trial. NO. It was a divine moulding of The Potters hand in many lives. My life is being moulded for a divine reason. I struggle with Tim's absense for a divine purpose. Will I comfort another? Am I being groomed for the next trial. YES! Just as a butterfly must solely struggle to be free of the cocoon in order to be strong enough to fly once free. My heart is battling against the walls of separation in order for me to be able grow strong enough to handle whatever comes next. Like a clam that is irritated with a grain of sand, which is small in the eyes of some, that irritation is instrumental in the forming of a pearl. If this trial I am going through seems small to some, oh well, I am a pearl in the making.

Trusting you, Lord.