Wednesday June 21, 2006

5:00am and I am listening for your alarm clock. Silence.

Andrew’s radio comes on blaring. I go shut it off. He is still at Amanda’s.

Forrest had an appointment. House real quiet.

I might be able to get used to this in small increments.

I get lots of email from Sunday school class members who are praying for you. Strangers have even come up to me inquiring about you.

I prayed for you.

I cried a little, but deeply.

Today seems to be looking up. I feel able to move, a little.

I shower and brushed my teeth.

Beka came over and we went to Lowes to pick out the paint color for the armoire for her new condo. Black raisin is the color.

It is so hot outside and I wonder what the temperature is at Parris Island. The heat coupled with 40 pounds of equipment can debilitate a person quickly. Have you begun your routine runs yet? Have you thought of dad and me? Are you hungry? Tired? Happy? Did you talk to Jesus today?

I fixed a bowl of Kraft macaroni and cheese for lunch. Your favorite. Almost cried.

I wonder what your drill instructor’s name is. Is he a Christian? Does he fear the Lord? Does he set the example for you young men as Jesus did? I will pray for him regardless of not knowing his name. He has a huge responsibility to God for your training, safety, and mentoring. He better listen when the Lord speaks. Holy two by four’s hurt.

I am praying for you now. It’s 3:03 pm.

Did you ever realize the impact this would have on your family? That is a selfish question on my part. You have told me over and over that this is what God wants you to do. Who am I to stand in the way? Who am I to stop the Lord’s plan? There may be a lost soul somewhere that you will be a beacon to. Tim, remember we are here for a purpose and that purpose is to glorify God and be a witness to those who don’t know him. Always be a beacon.

5:55 pm -This afternoon I took on the challenge to make Madison’s birthday cake. It is a three-tiered cake in the shape of a princess’ castle. The smell of the house with a cake baking is wonderful. It has taken my mind off your danger. I will take pictures of this masterpiece and send to you. I just wonder what kind of cake I will have to make for Mason. Power Rangers don’t live in a castle. Maybe I can do a Power ranger head shot. Forrest stirred. He says he is hungry. Do you want some cake? Not for supper!! Oh well, I tried. I don’t feel like cooking dinner.

I have searched the word for help and it feels far away. This blog between God and me seems to give me comfort. I feel like I am talking directly to God. It forces me to analyze my thoughts and motives and organize them to enable me to overcome the depressive thoughts this has brought. It is like praying but writing it out. Makes you really think about what you say, how you feel and little trivial things that really don’t matter but seem important at the time.

I love the Lord.

Tim loves the Lord.

Bless and protect Tim Lord. Help him feel your presence. Hold him for me. Shield him. Guide him. Help him smell the cake cooking.